Marching Band Humor

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
They kept running around yelling, "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Speilberg thought of an idea for a action drama about famous musicians played by superstars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwartzenegger all showed up. Speilberg told them to pick what musician they wanted to be as long as they were famous.

"I'll be Mozart because I've always admired his classical music," said Stallone.
"I liked Chopin's piano music and I think I'll play his role," said Bruce.
"I think I'll be Beethoven because he wrote excellent music," Segall said.

Speilburg was excited because he loved this idea. When he asked who Arnold would be, Arnold said, "I'll be Bach".

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 Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hooray. The second musician says "I was a jazz musician...kill me now!"

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"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
 "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

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Why do bagpipe players walk while they play? To get away from the noise.

 

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Once upon a time, there was a blind rabbit and blind snake, both living in the same neighborhood. One beautiful day, the blind rabbit was hopping happily down the path toward his home, when he bumped into someone. Apologizing profusely he explained, "I am blind, and didn't see you there."

"Perfectly all right," said the snake, "because I am blind, too, and did not see to step out of your way."
A conversation followed, gradually becoming more intimate, and finally the snake said, "This is the best conversation I have had with anyone for a long time. Would you mind if I felt you to see what you are like?"
"Why, no," said the rabbit. "Go right ahead."
So the snake wrapped himself around the rabbit and shuffled and snuggled his coils, and said, "MMMM! You're soft and warm and fuzzy and cuddly...and those ears! You must be a rabbit."
"Why, that's right!" said the rabbit. "May I feel you?"
"Go right ahead." said the snake, stretching himself out full length on the path.
The rabbit began to stroke the snake's body with his paws, then drew back in disgust. "Yuck!" he said. "You're cold...and slimy... you must be a conductor!"